Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Goalie Guidelines
Goalie Guidelines

1. It is your job to get to the table right away after our match is called. As soon as you are there, please call my room and I will proceed to the match at my leisure. You may go so far as handling the flip proceedings if you must to ensure that I am not rushed on my way to the match. The call will be "Tails" and we will take the ball. If you miss more than 49% of all flips, you will lose this privilege.

1b. Now is a good time to wrap the handles for me. I will likely unwrap them and rewrap them "the right way", which is actually identical to the way you just did it, but with the added value of a disgusted scowl on my face.

2. After we've won the match, no thanks to you, it is your responsibility to sign the match card. DO NOT forge my name. Circle the winners (me) and scribble something illegible. I expect that while I hang around to bask in the glow of my victory and offer commentary and witticisms to all and sundry, you will have wasted no time in making official yet another example of how well you're riding my coattails.

3. Ball off the table? Go get it! Jiminy christmas. Have you never played nets before? I don't care if the ball rolls right between my feet. The posture and foot position of a dominant forward is a carefully practiced art. You want the effortless ride up the bracket, you can fetch balls. Ballfetcher.

4. I'll need fresh water at the start of the match, and between the 1st and 2nd games. If there's a need for a 3rd game, I'm going to spend the minute between showing you where you're screwing up. I'll forego my thirst for this, and you will thank me.

5. Its your quarters. Again.

6. I will probably forget your name, even if we've played together before. Its just how it is with forwards and goalies. Deal with it.

7. You can tug on my shoulder all you want, but god forbid I allow you up there to take the shot and you do anything other than misexecute the ball in the goal. If you score a solid shot, then why the hell couldn't you do that back in the goal? Loser. If you don't score, well, who's surprised? Get back and ponder the qualifications for being considered mentally retarded. Too much for you to think about? Fine, let me dispatch these idiots across the table and then I'll let you break down in tears as you practically fall into my arms. Practically. You're getting a slap across the face before you sully my pristine tour polo with your effeminate hysterics.

8. You are not to speak to the other team, or to me. You may nod in response to me. Only nodding. If the other team acknowledges you with a compliment, I will thank them for you.

9. You do not need to ask if I want a beer. You simply get one. If I don't want it, I'll pour it out, and you'll know.

Thank you, by following these simple Goalie Guidelines, we'll have a better tournament for all Forwards.
"Man's way to God is with beer in hand." - some Belgium monk
Amazing! Did you get this from the Foosballboard? Who wrote it?

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)